Wednesday, January 30, 2008

My Passion

Reading has always been my pleasure since I was able to read (I start reading since age 5). Still remember.. friends of the same age often appointed me as their story-book reader every time we have to stayed late after kindergarten hour waiting for parents to pick us up....

Still remember..Enid Blyton's series had always been my first favourites at primary school..always deep in thought and imagination when reading those books...when I turned 11..believed to be a bit mature, we friends at Convent Seremban school always exchanged Sweet Valley Twin's series...books about some teenagers in California..every month, new series would be released with new interesting title..we waited eagerly to grab the new copy from the nearby bookshop..sometime, Serena Khoo, my classmate would had a trip to Singapore and she would bring back the latest collection of the series..then, we would take turn borrowing the book from her..the fanatics even tried to imitate the characters from the book...Jessica the naughty-trouble-maker twin, Elizabeth...the pretty yet smart one...then..there was this snobbish group-the Unicorn- that was exclusively for the 'rich and famous'...always wearing something purple as group's trademark...hahaha..luckily I was not one of those imitators...Standard six...the reading had upgraded to another level...Sweet Valley High and Sweet Valley University Series...still remember...had to hide those books from Abah coz the story line sometimes comprised of silly romance and stupid teenager's naughty...if he found out I would be dead meat!

In secondary school, I was mature enough to choose range of books for my reading satisfaction...I tried Danielle Steel, Anne Rice, Judith McNaught, La Virly Spencer, and etc...but for me the most intriguing author is Wilbur Smith...he wrote true adventures blended with true historic facts...usually bout World War..a bit bout true to nature and wild life...His backgroud always the African Countries...and that triggered my wish that one day I will walk on the land of Africa..From The Burning Shore (this story had been filmed )to When The Lion Feeds, then Monsoon, then The Sound of Thunder and etc...I have never found any other fictions as good as his...Usually, I borrowed books from the library coz to buy one, I had to save my monthly pocket book costs around RM 35.00 to RM 40.00...during my school time that really cost a fortune to me..I still have passion for Smith's novels...just's hard nowadays to seek for the right time to read...I plan to own a collection of Smith's writings in the future.. favourite is always John Gray's book...his Men from Mars, Women from Venus always been my best friend... I was introduced to that book by my mother in law. Since then, it becomes my important reference for seeking ideas on relationships...a page-turner book where every woman should I'm working hard to complete my collection of Gray's writings on Mars and Venus...the latest one Why Mars and Venus Collide is available in local bookstores since January 2008...will get one copy next month (will get salary increment next month..yeah!)...In my next entry, I will share some Gray's writings on relationships..

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Struck By Lightning

It all started more than a year before…at first, I thought it was a pregnancy-induced syndrome but after delivering my second child, the problem still persists till now…What I mean is my voice problem, or medically, I can say it as hyperfunctional voice disorder…the symptom began with persistent hoarseness in my voice, I coughed quite badly during the first trimester of my pregnancy..after two months of heavy coughing, a GP prescribed a strong antibiotics and potent cough syrup that managed to cure the symptom. However, till now, my voice is getting worse…my speech always seems breathy, and I often feel tired when talking as if I'm using all my effort to speak..I strain my speech muscle a lot. Some times I even feel like I'm using all the air inside my lungs and suffocate to breath..

Fortunately, my eldest sister, is an army doctor who, in her way did everything that she could to help me. Last year, using her position as a captain and also a doctor, she managed to refer me to an army specialist and I got special attention. I didn't have to queue up for months as in government hospital. One day she called me to set up the appointment, the next day I got to see the specialist. Of course, in an army hospital, a medical centre in Sungai Besi. The specialist, who is also a colonel officer at first diagnosed me for having a nervous system-related disease that is the Myasthenia Gravis syndrome, an autoimmune disease where your body produces antibodies that attack your own receptors. He requested for blood sample to run test. No such test can be conducted here in Malaysia, so we had to send the sample of my blood to Australia. Result came two months later with a NEGATIVE. Alhamdulillah, at least I'm not suffering from a nervous system disorder..Thank you Kak Yang…for helping me…well, as a generous big sister, Kak Yang paid for all the costs of check up and blood test.

My voice is my asset. An avid speaker once, I never felt sorry for my condition. I accept this as a fate yet I pity my students so much. They deserve to get the very best from me, as their teacher, but in my condition, I could not fulfill their wish to give the best a teacher should. I struggle to utter words and terms in class. Sometimes, the sentence that I speak is not complete when words seem like being gulped into my throat instead of spewing them out. But I do try my best to seek for alternative in aiding my teachings…thank to the technology…I use a lot of multimedia presentations, audio visual teaching aids, OHP and posters. To those students who get used to my teachings, they show appreciation… obviously. But to those new students, sometimes they show inconvenient faces…I understand it must be so hard to them to pay attention in class with my worsening voice…Though I'm facing lots of difficulties to carry out my duties as an educator, I still thank Allah who aids me in my teachings. He gave me creativities and ideas so that students feel that my class is interesting and lively…Last year, my students always scored the best results in exams compared to other classes. More than 60% of my form three students (25 out of 36) scored A for the subject I taught in PMR…Alhamdulillah…

What upsets me most is the attitude of my hubby…he never showed real effort to take me for treatment…every time I told him about my condition, he didn't show any reaction…he hardly responded…one night, he even walked away from the bedroom leaving me weeping alone…I don't understand how he could react like that to me…There were always postponement or delayed if we have agreed to see the doctor on a certain date..always because of his other commitment….hubby, if you ever read this, please try to understand me…I need you to be by my side during my ups and downs…I need you to comfort me and support me when I'm losing hope and confidence..where were you when I need you? Where were you when I need strength? we never know what is the reason behind my condition…who knows maybe it is lethal, pharynx cancer or what…will you ever cry on my dead body? Only Allah knows..

This Monday, I'm going to see an ortorhinolaryngology specialist…alone, without my husband. I never tell him nothing…I can't wait for his attention any longer. I have to fight this disease all by myself…my babies are still small to understand if they ever lose me…I just hope Allah will give me all the strength to seek for remedy..

For more information on voice disorders, please go to these links:

Friday, January 4, 2008

Pic Gallery

Thursday, January 3, 2008


What a long time since I last updated this blog...the last entry was last year..2007...what to break means pressure, no overload-brain-cracker strain stiff extra nothing....well, relax is just a reality...there's no relax for a tough job as a mum..always rushing here and there...answering lots of 'intelligent' questions from my little Ensteein- Itqan...wiping milk carpet from smears of chocolate, cakes and ice-cream...motivating adik- Ijlal to keep on practicing walking free-handed...bla...bla...bla...above all I still feel honour to be a mum or 'ummi' to both of my feels empty without them..I still remember when Itqan and Ijlal both left for Kampung with my eldest sister...4 days without seeing them seems like four years...every hour seems like months...never ever I sent my princesses away again...what a suffering...can't imagine how a mum feels if she losts a child...nauzubillah..

In this entry, I wanna share a few captured memories of my beloved princesses during the last school break...unfortunately, abi was not in the pictures...just the three of, to those out there who are missing my babies (especially family, friends, and my fellow students) -catch glimpses of them..will ya...

Pantai Puteri, Melaka...the first beach visited by Itqan and Ijlal...note the setting sun beyond the horizon..Subhanallah

Ijlal...enjoying the sea breeze with ummi...

"Ummi, let me down...I wanna touch the sea water...I wanna feel the sand"

Itqan demonstrated role as a loving and caring 'big' sister...

My little princesses

Cayang Ummi...


Both my babies enjoy spending time in the playground...below are some pics of them while playing at Sungai Buloh R n R... Ijlal and abi (hand only...hihihi)

Ijlal with big sister- Itqan

I am a real heroine...muhahaha